Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My ass is underappreciated
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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