omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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