for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
