Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
