I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
