Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
