I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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