Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize