I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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