Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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