Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
