i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
