I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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