He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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