On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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