i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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