I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
