Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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