I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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