Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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