Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
