i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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