Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
