I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
