how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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