just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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