I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
