I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
