Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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