Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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