I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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