i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
