so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
