i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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