NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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