i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
