I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize