If that was your dad, he is hot
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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