i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
