New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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