Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
