I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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