I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
