I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
