Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
