he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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