He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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