She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
