Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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