no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
