After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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