How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I have vodka in my lungs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
