So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
