a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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