don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's blow job season.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
