i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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