my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
