So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize