It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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