Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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