Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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