The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
