do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
