i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
