Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i've created a new STD.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
