wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize