I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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