You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
