i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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