Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
