Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
