What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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