what day is it and did you see me today?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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