and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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