Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
