"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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