i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
