I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
