Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
