so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize
