i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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