peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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