I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
