I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
